Life Starts at The Birth of the Mother

I feel I'm writing about women a lot in this blog, but what can I say?  You ladies are lucky people!  You are fierce, independent creatures that dictate the kind of laws that can be passed.  And lucky for you all, here's another one that proves just how desperate the conservative movement is to make sure that people make the "right" choice in their lives!  Wait... what am I saying?  This one is bullshit too!

Arizona passed three laws that greatly benefit the pro-life movement, including one that changes the gestation period that is acceptable for an abortion from the standard 20 weeks to 18 weeks.  I'm pro-choice, that's right!  I said it!  But that doesn't seem too crazy for me.  They're preventing late term abortions and I don't have a problem with that.  So sure, this seems pretty reasonable, right?  WRONG!  This new law defines the gestation period as "calculated from the first day of the last menstrual period of the pregnant woman."  What?!  Well, my mind has been blown.  As a man who is mystified by the horror that is menstruation and seeks hiding places in the mountains once a month, I was unaware that life started that early.  Thanks Arizona for clearing that up for me!  That's right ladies!  You're pregnant before you're even pregnant.  I guess when you have your period you body is getting rid of the heathen, left winged homo that could potentially start growing in your belly so that a new pro-life, conservative tea-partier can have plenty of room to grow towards a bright future of destroying the world.  So I guess this isn't a pro-life bill, its a pro-choice bill cleverly designed to destroy the fabric of open-minded society.  So take care girls!  If this bill has taught me anything, its that your sterile life lived on the road between the kitchen and the bedroom isn't designed to tie you down and keep you from taking the power away from white, straight, christian, men folk; its to protect your bodies from the harsh world that is Arizona (and if God is good, soon all of America) so that you can have a safe environment to carefully prepare for and grow the next Rick Santorum or Newt Gingrich. 


So what have I learned today?
1: Life is not about sperm meeting egg, and unlike previously thought, consciousness doesn't start at the moment of conception.  It starts much sooner than that, as long as the potential child in question will grow up to be continue the legacy of hatred and close-minded nonsense.
2: The laws of a woman's body are not subjective in any way!  They must be carefully learned through the teachings of misinterpreted bible verse and dictated to women by men via the law because women are too stupid to know any better.
3: There is something terribly wrong with this country if we, women and men united, who are pro-choice are continually ignored by politicians who have never had to do anything more for an unwanted child than send a check once a month to the woman they cheated on their wives with.

So bravo Arizona!  Get ready for a whole lot of opposition coming at you from a never ending supply of better educated.